December 17, 2001 - 10:33 a.m.
Americans, I am here to tell you that the danger is not Anthrax, or smallpox, or even spinal meningitis. The danger is the creeping crud, and it is already here. This seemingly innocent virus, brought to the US by unknowing tourists on a trip to Great Britain is actually a secret killer. This virus will single handedly be responsible for more lost man-hours of productivity in the lives of average Americans than badly managed meetings, incompetent sales clerks or captivating senseless novels - this month alone.
The MO: What appears as a simple cold lays out the victim a couple of days one week. They take it easy, forgo their usual hobby activities and THINK that they are better. Then the second week ... same story. This time the hapless victim scales back even more. Laid to waste on the couch too filled with snot to even consider writing Christmas cards or hanging outside lights, they become the Grinch of their street ... shunned by neighbors. Shuddering at the thought of, dear go the MALL, they whimper and return to the couch where they have dialed into work once again. Then week 3 arrives. Surly this thing should be dead by now. Beaten back by a cocktail of antibiotics, cough syrups, orange juice, soup, decongestants ... but no the creeping crud is related to the southern menace of Kudzu, and had merely gone dormant.
It is back for the weekend. You know that weekend that you were planning on being productive? Getting some sewing done, your shopping that had been put off, and woe of woes the weekend that you are going to visit the sick parent (That would be Mom) on the day that she gets out of the hospital (aside: If I gave this thing to my mother I am going to feel SOOOO guilty). It sneaks back up on you when you aren't looking.
This time I am fighting back. I am IN the office. Damnit, if I am going to be miserable, I will be miserable in the office. At least this way there is no way that the co-workers will thing that I am playing a good game of pre-Christmas hooky. Those that scoff at the creeping crud ... they can be coughed on.
*sniffle*
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